The Light in the Darkness

I’ve heard it numerous times. “Dude…you missed it, that party was craaaazzzzzy!” “It was insane; man you missed out, the cops showed up and everything!” “You should have been there.” This has become a seemingly more common resonating sound in the back of my head from weekend to weekend. Hearing repetitively how I missed ‘out’ and that I’m not getting the experiences I should have. Maybe I’m just a boring college kid….Or so I’ve been told. “Nick, you need to take more risks,” or “Try more dangerous things,” or “Learn to have more fun,” and “Live a little.”

At face value that probably seems pretty true. I don’t really go to parties, I don’t skip class, I don’t just hook up with someone for the night, I complete my tasks at work on time, I set goals for my future, and I don’t depend on drugs or alcohol to change my mood in order to have a good time. Frankly my idea of fun is going to Village Inn to get pie in the middle of the night, or going swing dancing with some friends, or watching all the Lord of the Rings movies, or star gazing in the bed of a pickup. I know. I know. I’m just boring, or lame, or inexperienced or whatever the other things people have told me….But I don’t really care.

So often we let society dictate the lifestyle that we are living. For some reason, if we aren’t just like everybody else, and doing all the things that they are doing, apparently we aren’t where we are ‘supposed’ to be. Why is it that it’s apparently a bad thing for me to spend my nights dreaming about what I could be, and taking measures to get there, instead of living my whole life for the next high from a crazy experience or wild night?

Now I’m a punk rock kid at heart. No shame there. Blink-182, Sum 41, Green Day, Rise Against, Three Days Grace, Secondhand Serenade, Simple Plan, Thousand Foot Krutch, Fall Out Boy, Hawk Nelson, Stellar Kart, Good Charlotte, and Bowling For Soup all sang the anthems of my life as a middle school student. (If you don’t know all of these musicians, shame on you…educate yourself.) Anyways, within the ballads of catchy choruses, blue dyed hair, insane guitar riffs, a few mosh pits, some loud drums and the occasional stage dive, all these artists share something really interesting in common. Dissatisfaction with a current state of being. Unhappy with the current conditions of reality. Frustrated with the state of the world, and willing to shout out their frustration and smash a few guitars in the process. Now to many, this rebellious stage may seem like a disappointing use of instruments, and inspires a group of disrespectful societal nuisances, but I think it suggests something better.

Punk rock, has a tendency to be a genre of music that pushes boundaries, and follows no formality. By shredding steel strings and implementing use powerful uncensored vocals, these artists explain how they won’t be succumbed by society or morphed by conformity. That they won’t be products of their environments, and that they won’t become the people that the world expects them to be.

That is what makes them special. They don’t feel weighed down by the fact that they negate fitting social expectations. Their intentions are rather to exclaim a ballad of independence and uniqueness, more so than just fitting in to the box that the world has tried to put them in.

So maybe the fact that I have no desire to go destroy my liver, or wake up in a place I don’t remember going to isn’t a bad thing, but rather is a remnant of my punk rock stage. Like Billy idol says. “I don’t think punk will ever die.”

Why do we conform? Why do we strive to just fit in? Why do we feel like we will be happy if the conditions we are in would change? How come so many people think that ‘one more drink’ or ‘one more hit’ will change their life, or make them feel alive? Why do so many people live for the weekend, instead of embracing life day by day?

But what do I know? “I just haven’t experienced it yet.” “I haven’t taken enough chances.” “I haven’t put myself out there.”

In June of this summer, I will be driving ten hours by myself to Arizona, to a YoungLife camp facility I’ve never been to, where I will meet with, work with and live with more than forty other people from around the country whom I’ve never met for an entire month! Talk about taking a risk….

To many, that seems like I’m out of my mind. That I would willingly work for free for the entire month, cleaning up after middle and high schoolers, mediating safety, in the middle of ‘my’ summer. I’m putting myself out there as a servant, not for my own gain, but because I know that I want to be a part of something greater. Through this, encouraging the students to be brave, to take risks, and to grow into the person they were made to be. Often times we get sucked into the logic of ‘my.’ ‘My’ Summer, ‘My’ time, ‘My’ experiences.

It has taken me time to realize this, but it’s all about a frame of reference. When we use the word ‘My’ we get trapped in a mindset that life is about what we can gain, about what we can get from others. Maybe instead of living like that, we should think of it like this. I am going to take ‘my’ breath, and ‘my’ heart, and use ‘my talents and ‘my’ abilities to serve others.

Maybe I’m crazy, for wanting to sacrifice my summer to volunteer with students, or maybe I’m missing out because I’m not going to the party everyone else is on Friday. Maybe I should just live a little, and put myself out there.

In all of that, I could choose to acknowledge the social pressures, and live for that one night.

Or I could continue being that kid with ripped jeans, some wild hair, who headbangs at concerts. I could try, and change myself or others, but I think I’ve still made up my mind—because punk will never die.

-Nick