The Beauty in Uncertainty

So often we live our lives with the intent of just taking the next step towards the future. How often do we think, "If I work this job, participate in this internship, attend this school, get accepted into this program" will I be able to advance myself and get to the place I want to be? There are numerous times like this where we are convinced that there is always something better than what we see right in front of us, and if we are 'good enough' we will make it and be successful.

Now after completing the first semester of my freshman year of college at Colorado State University - Pueblo, I can look back now and realize, that I am right where I am supposed to be. Now this wasn't the case nine months ago. When I was in the process of making the massive transition from High School to College, I was dead-set on attending Bethel University. (a private D-3 school in St. Paul Minnesota) It has one of the highest ranked Psychology/Counseling programs in the country, and was the smaller more intimate school environment that I wanted. There was no other school that I wanted to attend, and I was certain that it was going to work out. Despite having a very low acceptance rate, after slaving through a vigorous application, nearly a month later I received the news that I would be admitted into the school. I was thrilled!

I knew that it was meant to be! I was admitted, and I was determined to go there. However, after then receiving the cost breakdown in the mail a few weeks later, reality hit me hard. (Kind of like when you run into the glass screen door--we all remember those Windex commercials) There would be no way for me to attend a school that would be upwards of $40,000 a year for out of state tuition and expenses, on a private campus. However, I stayed optimistic, because at that point I was still in the running for a few huge foundational scholarships that would make my dream school a relative possibility. Slowly, one right after another, I received rejection letters for scholarships and grants that I had applied for. They don't call them 'rejection' letters, but they all say the same thing. Plus, when you get them in the mail...you feel pretty rejected. "We had lots of great applicants for the _______ scholarship, but unfortunately we are no longer considering you..." My hopes and aspirations of attending Bethel had disappeared, and my excitement for my future had dwindled.

Since a private school was out of the question, I began looking into more regional affordable schools and went on a few college visits, but nothing in the surrounding states really impressed me that much, and it still wasn't that affordable. By that point I was awful late to be signing to a school, and had accepted my initially dreary fate. I would be attending the small town university that is only five minutes from my home. By doing this I would be able to live off campus....even if that meant staying with my parents, saving a tremendous amount on room and board. I felt disappointed and ashamed in myself, when I committed to CSU-Pueblo. I thought that I was better than than that...

This is where the story takes it's turn.

Since I didn't have the luxury of any major scholarships, I knew working my way through school was my only option. However that can resonate its own set of challenges when you are taking 16+ credit hours. Not many businesses want to hire you when this is the case. This forced me to look for a student job on campus. There were jobs working in financial aid, in the library, at the welcome center, and a few other places, but nothing really caught my attention. Mainly because I can't sit still for a desk position, and I would have probably been fired for building towers and toys out of the office supplies. I then found something that sounded like a proper fit....Outdoor Pursuits, a department under the student Rec Center. I had always considered myself to be an adventurous dude, always liked to be in the mountains, and found myself very interested in a position with an informal work dress code. Out of reckless abandonment, I applied, was called back for an interview, and roughly a week later, was invited to the O.P. team. This was a huge personal accomplishment as they normally don't have 'Fresh-meat' on the very small and selective staff. Being in this position has been one of the most beneficial learning experiences I have ever had, and I have taken so much away from it. Learning skills to running a ropes course, a rock wall, mobile community programs, and helping facilitate on campus trips for students have been experiences that I would have never learned in any other job. The staff members I work with are some of the most fun, charismatic, and loving people that I have ever met, and despite our different backgrounds and fields of study, we all share a love and passion for adventure, stickers, and fun socks, and care for each other like members of a family.

In addition to my student job, I have grown to love the school that I had never considered going to, by my time in the President's Leadership Program, where I will obtain a leadership studies minor with my degree. Accurately describing PLP isn't really possible, but it is in no question my favorite course and I look forward to the next few years as a member. There's something so special about being surrounded by people who have the same values and ethics as you, and have similar aspirations and goals towards the future. In this course I have met some of my best friends, and built relationships that I know will last for years. It's truly amazing!

So.....yeah......This college thing didn't turn out how I initially anticipated. In fact, it is quite the opposite of what I expected. However if it taught me anything, it's this. Things will work themselves out. End of story. Even when they seem bleak and confusing, or as if you aren't moving or as if you are even moving backwards, it's a part of a master plan, with turning points, events experiences, opportunities, all which will shape you to be the person you were made to be. So don't doubt the days of small beginnings, and learn to enjoy every venture; because if you look with an open mind, you can learn to accept and realize The Beauty in Uncertainty.

-Nick